We’re all seeking what we cannot see,
Our future self- who we’re supposed to be.
But with each step forward,
My past keeps dragging me back.
Split between two people:
The me I could be,
And the version who couldn’t
Shame. Disbelief. Fear.
I watched myself on auto-pilot.
Less than a whole person
Aimless and incomplete.
In the very same reflection:
Embracing. Accepting. Kind.
Love illuminated like I’d never known.
I felt myself blossom and flourish.
Realizing I am already whole.
Torn down the middle.
Clutching onto my past, the familiar.
While reaching forward, towards the unknown.
In order to fully embrace one
I must let go of the other.
If I know my past is hurting me,
Why is it still so difficult to let go?
Author’s Note: I decided to change things up this week. A lot. Rather than writing my traditional 1500-word post, I wanted to challenge myself to write less. Instead of aiming for 1500 words, I aimed for 150. Could I convey the same message with 150 words that I could in 1500? It was a challenge. I must have written and rewritten this same entry 15 times. Scratching and starting over. Tweaking and revamping. Then starting from scratch again.
Why poetry? Besides the fact that I enjoy it, poetry is raw. It strips away all the noise and cuts to the real emotions. I want my message to be more than a word count. I don’t only want to tell my story through a rigid perspective. Part of the beauty in having my own blog, is that I’m able to dictate what I say and how I narrate. So I challenged myself creatively. A process I thoroughly enjoyed.
I decided to write a poem expressing my emotions during the in between. In between the drama, the big moments, the “blog worthy” topics. This poem is about the development and challenges I had just living day to day during this phase in my life. It highlights the juxtaposition I think we all face when striving towards growth. Acknowledging our past and appreciating it in a way that doesn’t stagnate our potential. While also not apologizing for our internal struggle.
Hope you enjoy it!